明天又要回到那个该死的地方了，今天心情似乎有些沉重。

接下来的4个月我将体验一种全新的生活方式，对此我充满了期待与紧张。

回想过去两个多月的生活，只能用一个词来形容那就是糜烂。真的烂了……

希望理想与现实不要差得太远。

我再次见到了L。

在20岁的冬天，L决定不再执迷不悟。虽然不是第一次说要彻底放弃那个人，但这次我从L的眼睛里看到前所未有的坚决。L说已经厌倦了满怀希望地等那个人的短信、期待与那个人在网路上不期而遇，因为结果总是只会让L觉得一直是自己在自作多情。这也许有点像电影里的情节，但生活其实就是一部SB的电影，只是因为演的人是自己就当局者迷而已。

我不知道这次L可以坚持多久，因为我知道喜欢一个人是不可能在一夜间就不喜欢的，但不管怎样我还是站在L这边。

我想，到最后后悔的人如果不是L的话，那一定是那个人。

"world peace" 似乎成了某种流行的代名词,连sorc这种不学无术的人都会说06年的愿望是希望世界和平。昨天怀着十分激动的心情看了L团05年awake tour 演唱会，主题竟然也是“世界和平”。看来去年买的那个converse的印满了和平标志的包算是买对了。

我不是个和平主义者，当然也不是个好战分子，但昨天看见豆子在演唱会最后很严肃地说了一番听不懂的话（大概是反战的）接着很用情地唱了一首歌然后以一颗晶莹的泪来作为结束的时候，我还是被感动了。

love and fight...

world peace... 

(composed in Nov 2005)

 

I stepped into this small teatoom with great curiocity and excitement. The hostess today ---- a respected teacher of Japanese chado, or tea ceremony was sitting on a tatami mat, legs neatly folded under her, thighs parallel, waiting for all the guests' arrival.

 

Greetings were exchanged between the hostess and the guests before the tea was served. After making sure everything was in perfect condition,she picked up a bamboo spatula, scooping some green powder from a lacquered container and placing it in a bowl. Upon adding hot water, she picked up a small bamboo whisk, churning the mixture to a green froth, and handed the bowl to the first guest. This first man placed it between himself and the next guest and bowed to excuse himself for drinking first. Then he picked it up, putting it in the palm of left hand and raising it slightly with a bow of head in gratitude. Before drinking, he turned the bowl to make sure the decoration was away form the lips. After drinking, he wiped the place he drank from with fingers and put the bowl down on the tatami mat, admiring it before returning it to he hostess.

 

For a beginner like me, the slow, deliberate movements in chado might seem tedious at first, but gradually the elegantgestures and slow graceful shifting of the body had its effects ---- it made me feel calmed and relaxed by the end of the ceremony. Rooted in Zen philosophy, chado is a call to think before acting. By emphasizing patience and tranquility, it has never stopped being an inspiration to many despite its long history.

 

Apart from that, I was also amazed by the delicacy of Japanese tea ceremony. By the saying " ichi go, ichi e", the Japanese believe that you only meet a particular incarnation of any person once in a lifetime. This idea of uniqueness has brought tremendous impact on my mindset because I have always had this illusion that in our lives, opportunities and people come and leave all the time. Thus, even if we miss some of them earlier, they will eventually come back to us in one way or another. However, I am wrong because it seems that I have forgotten the most important fact that the world is not a constant ---- nothing would be exactly the same as it was and the missed would forever be missed. From there, I realize that every opportuniy and encounter should be highly valued and treasured because of its uniqueness. Thus, when we look back on our lives as we grow older, there will be no regret because at that moment of time, we have already done our best.

 

throughout the course of learning how to brew and serve tea, I have become a more patient and grateful person. Though it is a complicated process, it has been a memorable and inspiring activity, which taught me to discover the uniqueness of all things in the world.

选在凌晨看L'Arc的演唱会真是一个决策上的失误，其后果就是半夜2点还high到睡不着觉。

昨天在电脑城好容易才淘到这张03年的演唱会，虽然明知道会被砍，但最后还是心甘情愿地掏了钱。

Hyde是短发的造型，也没染发，看上去是少有的清爽。虽然豆子还是不负重望地在现场跑调，但由于里面几乎所有的歌我都听过，所以跑调就成了另外一种风格。

04年的Smile Tour 上看到了tetsu 版的milky way一直很喜欢，反复看了很多遍，没想到03年的竟有老ken 和 yuki 的演唱。还记得04年yuki戴着防毒面罩弹base的样子，kawaii detsu ne ~~

整个演唱会只有一个小时的时间，但却是整个体育场爆满，大概有5万人到场吧。由于没有大屏幕，坐在角落里的观众也许连豆子站在舞台的哪个位置都不知道，但却仍充满激情地跳着喊着，把自己完全地融入到那个气氛里去，我想，这才是舞台上的人拼命努力挥汗如雨的原动力吧。

这个人简直就是我的克星！！！

每次面对他都是我处于被动。好几次我都以为我占上风了，结果他总能轻而易举地扭转局势，反正输的总是我。

也许我是命中注定要被这个克星牵着鼻子走。要到什么时候算完，那要看我什么时候能够真真正正地想开了，放开了。当我不再在乎他了，我就赢了。

Hyde说，最希望的是老了以后在L.A.买一栋别墅，可以在游泳池边看书喝茶的那种。然后有一天早晨在咕噜咕噜喝茶的时候突然死掉了，茶杯打翻在一边湿了书。这时候孙子跑来看见了大声叫着“爷爷、爷爷……”

起初很难想象这些话竟出自一个37岁的日本VR歌手之口，一直都以为这些男人是不食人间烟火的只知道酷字怎么写的家伙，但看了以上那些让人忍俊不禁的话还是觉得当凡人好啊。